i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
