I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
