I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my sisters under your porch take her home
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
