Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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