I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
