Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Randomize
