Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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