i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
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Found the puke drawer
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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