And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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