hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
