ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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