You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
