I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
