..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
