So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
