in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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