i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
