she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize