i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize