Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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