i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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