you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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