im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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