I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
