I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
