I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
