your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
