This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
