...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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