why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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