Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
