Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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