google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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