Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
