sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
