we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
