I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
