grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
