everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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