Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
