today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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