We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
