She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
