So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
