East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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