In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
