Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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