I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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