Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
