He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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