living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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