You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
