Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We are two peas in an std pod
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
