GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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