Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
