We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
