and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
