We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
