yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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