I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
