Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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