i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
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you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
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Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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