trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
